If you missed the proper Super Mario Bros. 2 (aka Lost Levels) on Virtual Console the first time round, do not worry. It's coming back on the 14th September. So says the Nintendo Waste-of-space Channel.
...Space Channel?
*idea*
Categories: Nintendo Posted on 06 Jun 2008 by Mime
Here’s how it went down: I was called into the broom closet with the promise of free pork and pumpkin flavored waffles from a poorly scribbled note taped to my Nintendo E-reader.
When I got there, Mime, Chom and Solrock tackled me and forced me into a chair. Binding me to said chair, they lit up a television in front of me and wrenched an Xbox controller into my hands. Locking me in, Mime told me that if I ever wanted to see the light of day, I’d review this game. That’s when I had a strange and unpleasant feeling about the whole situation.
The screen flashed the title and that confirmed it: “Sudeki.”
Once I had emerged from that torturous ordeal, I lurched to my computer with the attitude of a yeti slammed in the snowballs by a runaway toboggan forced to retell the unhappy time I spent with Sudeki…
Visit the Reviews for my gruesome tale.
Categories: Microsoft Posted on 03 Jun 2008 by Zenek
Once again I decided to trawl the pages of Google Webmaster Tools to see what the hell weirdos were searching for to find this site. Using that information, I will then give people more of what they want! It's certainly not to boost my Google rankings, oh no.
First up is the return of the Angry Sun! Yep, everyone seems to love him to pieces, maybe even more than me but I doubt it. Here's another image of him, but this time in his original NES habitat. Mario is fucked.
Cubone? No, that can get lost. I'm over that phase now. Someone did search for Shadowrun, so here's a picture of the only Shadowrun game ever made. Ever.
The Nintendo Channel launched in Europe early this morning, and I had a quick go before decided that maybe four hours sleep should be the minimum I get.
Movies: Terrible. Quality is poor and they pause to buffer every ten seconds. Rubbish selection too. Phantom Hourglass TV commercial? Joy. Game info: Poor. Release date, box art, controllers you can use and age rating? Give us some actual info, like what you DO in the game. DS Downloads: Crap. Vast array of shite like Brain Training, Eye Training, Brain Academy, and so on. The only standout one is a demo of Mario Kart DS which includes the SNES Mario Circuit 1 track. But everyone already owns Mario Kart DS.
Also it needs about 250 blocks total, which is massive. Once again I had to say goodbye to Virtual Console stuff.
Categories: Nintendo Posted on 30 May 2008 by Mime
Today's videogame hero is slightly cheating in that I have actually picked a trio out of the hat. It's none other than...
Rash! Zitz! And Pimple!
First appearing on the NES in a stupidly hard game called Battletoads in 1991, they were Rare's answer to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. In much the same way as the Samurai Pizza Cats, they just weren't quite as cool as the real deal.
The NES version did have amazing music too, composed by Mr David Wise who was last seen groaning at the thought of doing music for more damn handheld ports. Here is a YouTube video showing some of the awesome music and gameplay, in fact. This guy even used the same font as I did in the Skullkids title image!
I seem to recall the game's levels would have cutscenes between the levels that would include phrases such as "Let's croak us some bad guys!" and "This is toad-ally fucking awesome, dudes!". Possibly.
It was also released in some form or another for GameBoy, Amiga, CD32, Mega Drive and the Game Gear. These versions, however, were generally pap. Where the original game was a nice blend of rushing beat and platforming, these versions were generally just pure fisticuffs.
Their enemy was the Dark Queen, also. She was HOT. When you were 8.
Oh Queeny...
Will they come back? Maybe.
Categories: Nintendo Posted on 28 May 2008 by Mime
I know, I know, I've been bad with updates. I've been busy, I have other things to do you know! I'm not part of some big organisation that pays its staff to post all the random crap they find, after all.
Still busy, so here is a summary of certain things:
Rock Band is awesome. Penny Arcade's game is crap. Green DS is gorgeous. L is Real 2004.
Categories: Nintendo, Microsoft, Sony, PC Posted on 28 May 2008 by Mime
I'm here today to see in the launch of Rock Band in Europe. It's a secret location, so don't even try to crash the party! Remember to refresh from time to time because this is a LIVE Blogcast!
07:47 - A little early, it seems. Nobody here yet. They have tea on offer, though, so I'll grab one of those. Nobody to make it, so it seems to be a case of helping yourself! You'd think for such a big launch they'd make an effort.
08:03 - That took longer than it should have, but at least they have Whittard teabags
08:09 - Still no sign of anyone. They have an Xbox 360 set up on a big screen and someone's left Grand Theft Auto IV in the drive. Should I be cheeky...?
08:11 - I understand that the game itself should be unveiled shortly, but the instruments may not be until a little later. Someone's left a Guitar Hero 2 guitar by the side of the 360. Thinking ahead there!
08:18 - Not a lot to say. This has been a real letdown! Did I perhaps get the day wrong? The location? No, no... It's not my fault.
08:22 - Oh man, what if it is my fault? That would suck.
08:34 - This is beyond a joke now. Going to try and find out what the deuce is going on. If you don't hear from me for a while, send help.
09:43 - FAIL. Giving up. Don't care about Rock Band anymore.
10:12 - Maybe hope is not lost as some kind soul just wheeled a set of instruments in. That's drums, guitar and microphone. No software to use them with yet, though
10:47 - Finally got the gear set up! No game still. I suppose I could play along with YouTube...
10:55 - Game appearance! Time to rock out.
End of show.
Categories: Microsoft Posted on 23 May 2008 by Mime
Hey, I’ve neglected Xbox Live’s Arcade selection for FAR too long! While my counterpart swoons over memory-hogging Wii Ware, why don’t you ride my rocket- to Jetpac Refuelled. It’s Rare’s first Arcade title for the Xbox Live service.
Did I enjoy grabbing loot from all over the universe, dodging pissed off Braineyes & Moon Spiders, and exploring the pixilated planets of 1983? Let’s see how many intergalactic innuendos I can make in one review…
Categories: Microsoft Posted on 21 May 2008 by Zenek
